Nigerian Weddings? Where Small Chops Are a Matter of National Importance.

Let’s be real, most of us don’t attend weddings because of the vows. “Do you take this man…” abeg, skip to the jollof. We’re there for the vibes, the music, and the holy grail: small chops.

The minute you walk in, your eyes are working overtime. You’re not searching for the couple you’re hunting that one waiter carrying the tray like it’s a briefcase of cash. Puff-puff, samosa, spring roll? If you’re lucky, sausage too. It’s not a wedding, it’s a war zone.

There’s always that aunty stacking two takeaway packs “for the kids at home,” and one uncle forming VIP because he knows the caterer.

The DJ is shouting “Who dey breeet?” while the MC tries to do stand-up comedy in between introducing every cousin that flew in from abroad.

By the end of the day, your heels are in your hand, gele hanging like Wi-Fi cable, and you’ve danced away your home training but as long as you chop rice with meat, you’ll smile in the Uber home.

Because in Nigeria, weddings aren’t just celebrations. They’re sport. And if you go home with small chops and takeaway? You’ve won.